Contamination

Hummers offend me in a lot of ways. They offend my eyes, specifically my eye for design. They offend my nose with their fuel emissions. They offend my sense of safety, as even a fender bender with one of them could kill me. The list goes on.

But last week I saw the most obnoxious and offensive one to date. Oh how I wish I could've gotten to my camera! It was even more offensive than the H3 with the custom Burberry tire cover that I saw in Fort Worth. Yeah. For real.

Picture this:
Red H2. On the lower left-hand side of the back window there is a black "W: The President" sticker. Barf. It's the first "W" sticker I have seen in months. All of the Republicans I know would rather not draw attention to the fact that they voted for such an imbecile. But don't get me started on Bush...I digress. On the lower right-hand side of the back window was the very first McCain sticker I have seen in Texas. Lower your gaze to the license plate, and he has an SPCA plate. You know, the one that proves that he allegedly loves animals. But how can you truly love animals when you drive an animal-crushing machine? And how can you love animals when your H2 gets an estimated 13/17 mpg (and we all know that the "estimates" are always waaaay lower than what you actually get), and your gas emissions are choking the wildlife and giving your dog asthma? Hypocritical much? THE TOPPER was the personalized plates. If you know me, then you know that vanity plates drive me nuts. Like this one that I saw on I-30. They are very rarely clever or creative, and are most often just a way to show off and waste money and be obnoxious. Yet another manifestation of conspicuous consumption. I like to make fun of them. This guy's personalized plates said JOSH.

Wow, JOSH is taking being an asshole to a whole new level. JOSH is a bad representation of guys named JOSH. JOSH is compensating for A LOT. Poor JOSH has a teency tiny penis and has to do a significant amount of compensation to make himself feel better.

So if you see JOSH on the road, be sure to give him your favorite finger for me. Or tell him that you're sorry about how he was...shortchanged.