Saturday, September 8, 2007

because I can't afford therapy

Do you ever have one of those bad dreams in which someone you know, or knew, very well treats you very very badly? I have them often...for about eight months now. It is usually the same person (last night it was actually two different people in two separate dreams). I wake up knowing that in real life they would never do whatever it is they just did in my dream, but the dreams are so vivid and real that I wake up feeling really hurt, and then for the next day or two I remain anxious and upset at them.

Even as a kid I usually had very violent and negative dreams. In general you hear that flying dreams are good and represent freedom. But my flying dreams were almost always about me flying away from someone who was trying to kill me. This person usually had a knife. Sometimes the "bad guy" (as it was always a man) could also fly. I also recall a dream from my childhood where a masked bad guy broke into my house and I was home alone. My sleeping self knew he was trying to kill me (again, he had a knife) but my dream self thought the whole thing was a game, laughing and racing around the house and furniture in a catch-me-if-you-can manner. So my sleeping self was freaking out trying to make my dream self see that he was serious and it wasn't a game.

I even had one dream in which I actually died, but this has only happened once. I still remember it very well. I was living in a country that, in my young mind, seemed like somewhere in the mid-east, desert-y and hot. The women were all being persecuted and living in these sort of stacked hammocks in this huge multi story building that just looked like a building looks before the sheet rock is put up, all open and unprotected. Anyway, I was posing as a man trying to fight for the rights of the women, and I was eventually caught and executed. The thing I don't remember is whether I was killed with a knife or a gun. But I do remember my sleeping self worrying very much about if it would hurt when I was killed since I was asleep.


On a lighter note, the weeks have been flying by since I got back. I woke up this morning, took the dog out, came back up to make breakfast, turned on the TV to see cartoons, and couldn't believe that it was Saturday again. I mean it was just Saturday. Seriously, like two days ago it was Saturday and i was making a feta and mushroom three-egg omelette watching this same animal show on Fox and getting ready for work, right? Wrong. It was SIX DAYS AGO. Geez. I blinked and August was gone. I blinked twice and summer was gone.

And I am fed up with restaurants continuing to use styrofoam and plastic to-go/take-home containers when there are affordable paper alternatives. So in a week when I get paid I am going to buy some Biopak 100% recycled take-out boxes to keep on hand and in my car. And when I run out of the staples I have on hand I am going to buy a staple-less stapler. Plastic freaks me out and I have banned it, as much as humanly possible, from my life (as far as eating is concerned). I heard that Whole Foods carries corn-based biodegradable straws and was very excited. So the next time I was there I looked but no luck. I asked one of the very helpful employees and they went off to find out about the mystery straws, but reported back that their location does not carry them but I could call around and see if maybe the other larger location have them.

1 comment:

Jason said...

I wasn't one of those people trying to kill you in any of your dreams am I?