Thursday, March 26, 2009

The True Story Of What Was

My SUV-addicted uncle once told me, and I quote, that "global warming is a conspiracy created by Al Gore." It took me about 30 seconds to get my jaw off the floor afterwords. I wish I could say that these pictures, scientific proof, or common sense would change his mind, but he's one of those people who doesn't want to discuss these types of subject, he just wants to quote Rush Limbaugh until he's red in the face. Because if he and others like him actually looked at the proof and admitted that global warming is happening right now, then they'd have to re-evaluate the excessive way they live, such as their gas-guzzling addiction, and love of conspicuous consumption. He couldn't be bothered with that because sometimes living a more sustainable lifestyle requires some change and compromise.

But for me, change is something I can believe in, and I have faith that enough people in the world have the intelligence, optimism, and openness to take positive steps in leading more sustainable lives, and that we CAN face global warming and turn this thing around. YES WE CAN.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Love Turns Winter To Spring

It's spring break, and in my life that means one thing - my annual spring sinus infection! This year it seems to have come with an extra big wallop. Nothing really compares to the sinus infection of 1997, but that one only wins out due to the oh-so-lovely allergic reaction I had to the antibiotic the doctor gave me, which blessed me with major swelling in my lips, eyes, and ears. Think HUGE. Let's just say, my top lip TOUCHED MY NOSE. Oh and who could forget the huge quarter-sized hives all over my body. And that was ONE DAY before my flight to Florida for our 8-day spring break trip to Sanibel Island and Fort Meyers. Thanks to THAT sinus infection I am now required to wear a medical ID bracelet or necklace of my choice. (And by the way, I like how the website for Cefzil says to "Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat." ALL OF WHICH I HAD except for swelling of the tongue. The person who was caring for me at the time? She gave me some benadryl and tossed me in an oatmeal bath. NOT SO HELPFUL.) Ah...spring break memories.

But back to spring break 2009. THIS time my sinus infection has surprised me by taking it's spring break vacation to my lungs where it has set up camp for the week. I almost completely lost my voice, and still sound very manly (think 60-yr-old chain smoker), with no differentiation between my "m's," "b's," or "n's." Since I just had six weeks off work to recover from hip surgery, it doesn't feel right to call in sick, and I'm not contagious anyway. But let's just say that the cough is so bad that homeless people pandering for money RUN IN FEAR at the sound of me as I walk toward them.

My favorite question this week which I have been asked multiple times, is "are you taking anything?" What kind of a question is that? I can't breathe, hear, or smell. Um, I am taking EVERYTHING. Zicam, Zyrtek, Sudafed PE, Nasalcrom, Mucinex D, antibiotics, cough drops, echinacea tea, 3 oranges a day, green tea....

Perhaps the best humorous anecdote I can offer to you is the exchange between the nice pharmacist and I at the crowded Walgreen's pharmacy yesterday when I picked up my antibiotics. (Keep in mind, my ears are currently SO blocked that I cannot even hear the turn signal in my car clicking on and off. I can't even hear it a little.)

her: "Are you currently on oral contraceptives?"

me: "Yes."

her: (in a very soft whisper) mumble mumble "form of" mumble mumble mumble-

me: (interrupting) "I'm sorry, but I'm really congested and can't hear you."

her: (in a louder, forced whisper) "The antibiotics can lessen the effectiveness of your oral contraceptives so you will need to use another form of birth control."

Now, normally this is where my quick "wit" would get the best of me and I would make some dry mark about how trust me, there's no need for any backup birth control right now because none of THAT is going on in my life right now. I may have even been sly enough to quote the someecards graphic that I featured in my last post. But I was very sick, and I figured she really didn't care if I was getting any or not, so I just said "oh, ok."

Also, I have been challenging myself to recognize the silver linings to not being able to hear or taste or smell, so this is what I have so far:

On Not Being Able to Hear:
-I can't hear the loud whir of the uber air-conditioning system in my office building
-I can't hear the noise in the editing suite that is right next to my cubicle
-The loud dogs next door are muffled a bit more

On Not Being Able to Taste:
-It's a good time to eat up all of my least favorite flavors of oatmeal in the variety pack
-I'm finally eating some of the frozen meals I've been putting off because they're not my favorites
-I'm not as tempted to have a midnight snack when I get home from work - no smell = no appetite

On Not Being Able to Smell:
-I can't smell the stinky smoker who sits next to me at work, though I am still allergic to him (clearly)
-Cleaning the cat litter is far more tolerable

Happy Spring Break 2009! Be safe, kids.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

A Ship to Pop Culture

1) At my office, the men's restroom is just on the other side of the wall from the women's restroom. Do you know what that means? It means that I CAN HEAR IT WHEN YOU DON'T WASH YOUR HANDS after you flush. And then I am secretly disgusted by you forever.

2) Yesterday there were a lot of bad Saturday afternoon movies on, and one of them was Notting Hill. I've seen it before, but this time I noticed a major inconstistancy. In the beginning of the the movie there's a scene where Julia Roberts' character is invited to a family dinner where some sort of bird (quail or something) is the main course, and at least three times it is mentioned that she's a vegetarian. Then, later on in the movie she's in a Chinese restaurant, and she tells a table of men that the tuna is really good. How did no one working on the movie catch that?

3) In Texas, if you are on a bicycle, you are required by law to wear a helmet (and yes, they will ticket you). However, if you drive a scooter or a motorcycle, you are not required to wear a helmet. Does that make any sense? Personally, I think safety laws (helmet usage, seatbelt usage, etc) should be voluntary after the age of 18. Maybe they could be called "Spencer Laws" (As in Herbert Spencer, who coined the phrase "survival of the fittest"). I mean, why do we keep protecting the stupid people from themselves? If you are idiotic enough NOT to wear a helmet or a seatbelt, then we really have no need for you in the genepool. Good riddance.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Producer All-Star Of The Day


Ladies, This Is The Final Rose of The Evening

It has been a week of final roses. I, of course, did not receive one. (I continue to be the "Alabaster Groomer".) Besides, the bachelor never chooses the bachelorette with short hair on that show. He's too intimidated. Luckily I have an entire rose bush in my backyard that will start blooming for me soon.

And to keep my rose bush company, I have some new additions! I bought some cilantro, chives, rosemary, oregano, basil, tomatoes, and jalapenos to plant this week. I also nabbed some nice lumber someone put out for the bulk trash to use for the beds. Hopefully I will be at least somewhat successful in my organic gardening efforts. It's worth a shot, especially after examining my receipts from Whole Foods.

Stuff I Like

I have been talking for a year or so about how I want a green burial when I die, and now it seems to be mainstream enough that Re-Nest is also blogging about it. It's extremely inexpensive, even more eco-friendly than cremation, and my body becomes compost for plants. What could be better? Send me off Little House On The Prairie style please, in a pine box with a cross made of sticks marking my grave. That's all I need and want.

And for the rest of the list...
-Try using a ShamWow for an eco-friendly reusable Swiffer pad.
-Make your own laundry detergent to save a ton of money. I am definitely trying this one! Don't blame me for the abuse of Comic Sans on that webpage though. Yikes.
-I love vintage suitcases. How about making one into a cabinet?
-Oh, this is a good one, and it's LOCAL! Dallas welder and craftsman Joel Hester is taking old car hoods and making them into fantastic coffee tables with an industrial edge. Talk about a conversation starter!
-If it's time to get planting, then how about you start your seeds in a DIY growbox? I had NO idea that Christmas lights can be used for this. So awesome.
-Or just build yourself a greenhouse from old windows. Not only is it eco-friendly, but it's super cute, too!
-And lastly, I want a claw-foot tub-turned-sofa!

Producer All-Star Of The Day

Today I received a graphic order requesting a "FedEx logo and genetic resume." I assume it was meant to say "generic."

Wednesday, March 4, 2009