Went to Pei Wei for dinner - fortune cookie informs me of the following:
"The love of your life will appear in front of you unexpectedly!"
Ok, so not to sound unappreciative (and don't get me wrong; I'm really glad to hear that he will be "appearing"), but unexpectedly? Could I at least get a general time frame and location, like "next week while you are pumping gas," so I don't mace the guy accidentally? Or "when you are 75 and hobbling across the street" so I don't wait around for this guy until it's too late to have some babies?
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
white noise
Sheesh, you pass out one time at physical therapy and then every session after that people are constantly saying things like "You look pale, are you doing ok? Gonna pass out?"
Seriously? How is it even possible to look MORE PALE that I already am?
Seriously? How is it even possible to look MORE PALE that I already am?
Labels:
pale,
pass out,
physical therapy
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
guess who's in the doghouse?
So, it's never a good thing when you open the front door and see a hallway covered in feathers
...and it wasn't that way when you left.
...and it wasn't that way when you left.
a few tips for Dallas drivers, based on observations over the past four days
- when the people in the lane next to you brake, it is not necessary to do any sympathy braking
- when it is dark outside and raining, it's a smart idea to turn on your headlights
- if you're in the "fast lane," a.k.a. the passing lane, and are pacing the person next to you for miles, therefor causing a backup of drivers behind you restlessly veering to the left or right and craning their necks to see if there is a reasonable explanation for this situation, please either speed up and get in front of the person next to you, or slow down and get behind them.
- when someone merges onto 30W from, oh, say, 1st Avenue, and has a mere five car lengths of lane to merge left, LET THEM OVER!
- I know that sometimes it is annoying to pay attention to all of the well-marked construction areas in Expo Park, but please remember that all four (or six or eight...) of your tires should be to the RIGHT of the yellow double striped line. If you see cars coming directly toward you, and the drivers are honking and flashing their lights at you, chances are you are on the wrong side of those pesky lines. Kindly MOVE OVER.
- Although I pity your clearly-tiny, well, member, I am not impressed with your Hummer/big shiny grill/Escalade/large white clean clearly-never-used-for-hauling-crap Ford 350/Landrover/make-your-car-shake bass/Expedition/over-sized rims. I am, however, jealous of your Honda Fit/VW Rabbit or GTI/Nissan Versa.
- Those white stripes in parking lots that are used to define parking slots are not just suggestions, YOUR VEHICLE IS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO FIT BETWEEN THEM. I know, crazy right? So if you either can't drive your massive vehicle well enough to accomplish this feat, or if your vehicle simply doesn't fit, try downsizing and then get some therapy for your compensation issues. And please stop trying to fit in the compact spots - those are for me.
- when it is dark outside and raining, it's a smart idea to turn on your headlights
- if you're in the "fast lane," a.k.a. the passing lane, and are pacing the person next to you for miles, therefor causing a backup of drivers behind you restlessly veering to the left or right and craning their necks to see if there is a reasonable explanation for this situation, please either speed up and get in front of the person next to you, or slow down and get behind them.
- when someone merges onto 30W from, oh, say, 1st Avenue, and has a mere five car lengths of lane to merge left, LET THEM OVER!
- I know that sometimes it is annoying to pay attention to all of the well-marked construction areas in Expo Park, but please remember that all four (or six or eight...) of your tires should be to the RIGHT of the yellow double striped line. If you see cars coming directly toward you, and the drivers are honking and flashing their lights at you, chances are you are on the wrong side of those pesky lines. Kindly MOVE OVER.
- Although I pity your clearly-tiny, well, member, I am not impressed with your Hummer/big shiny grill/Escalade/large white clean clearly-never-used-for-hauling-crap Ford 350/Landrover/make-your-car-shake bass/Expedition/over-sized rims. I am, however, jealous of your Honda Fit/VW Rabbit or GTI/Nissan Versa.
- Those white stripes in parking lots that are used to define parking slots are not just suggestions, YOUR VEHICLE IS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO FIT BETWEEN THEM. I know, crazy right? So if you either can't drive your massive vehicle well enough to accomplish this feat, or if your vehicle simply doesn't fit, try downsizing and then get some therapy for your compensation issues. And please stop trying to fit in the compact spots - those are for me.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
through the wall or take a fall
Yesterday was the twenty-eighth anniversary of by birth. And in my twenty-eight years I have done quite a few things that I am proud of. However, there are still items on my to-do list I want to check off.
things I have accomplished:
- I earned my first 4.o in college and made the dean's list more than once
- I have been to Europe and was fortunate enough to visit Paris, London, Sheffield, and Wakefield
- I have driven 1,500 miles across the country by myself...and back again
- I landed an internship in NYC when I was 20 and lived in Times Square for 3 months, and it remains my favorite city in the US so far
- I called off a wedding at the age of 23 because I knew I wasn't ready
- In college I made pumpkin crème brûlée from scratch and dammit, it was amazing
- I have lived in at least seven different cities in five different states and definitely do not think I am finished yet
- I switched careers at the age of 26, taking an unpaid internship and starting all over
- I was on the "jumbotron" at a Dallas Stars game
- I went white water rafting in West Virginia and made it through two rapids that were a level 5
- I have always been pretty good at intuitively knowing "when to bet and when to fold," as they say
- I can write an awesome essay or research paper, and definitely know the difference between when to use "good" and when to use "well"
- I have had training for disaster relief and am Red Cross certified for it
- My dog and I saved the life of a 4-week-old kitten this year and she has been a fantastic addition to our little family
Still on the to-do list:
- There are still several states I haven't been to yet, and I would like to spend some time visiting Seattle, Portland, Boston, San Francisco, and Denver.
- For many years I have wanted to visit Australia. I also want to see Portofino Italy, the South of France, and Tokyo
- I want to go hang gliding and bungee jumping
- I would like to buy a house in the next couple of years
- There are still a lot of records I need to find for my collection, and if you see Moon River on vinyl, let me know...I also want to get my records converted to MP3 files
- There are several computer programs I want to learn, including 3D Studio Max, Dreamweaver, Flash, and Final Cut
- I want to knit something of substance, like a sweater. Or a dining table.
- I'd like to restore a scooter or a vw bug at some point
- I want to check out Burning Man at least once
- I want to go to Marfa, TX to see the Marfa lights
- I hear Cedar Point is an awesome amusement park with some crazy roller coasters
- I want to hike part, if not all, of the Appalachian Trail
- There are several more National Parks I want to visit, including Yellowstone, Yosemite, and the Grand Canyon
that's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure the list will continue to grow...
things I have accomplished:
- I earned my first 4.o in college and made the dean's list more than once
- I have been to Europe and was fortunate enough to visit Paris, London, Sheffield, and Wakefield
- I have driven 1,500 miles across the country by myself...and back again
- I landed an internship in NYC when I was 20 and lived in Times Square for 3 months, and it remains my favorite city in the US so far
- I called off a wedding at the age of 23 because I knew I wasn't ready
- In college I made pumpkin crème brûlée from scratch and dammit, it was amazing
- I have lived in at least seven different cities in five different states and definitely do not think I am finished yet
- I switched careers at the age of 26, taking an unpaid internship and starting all over
- I was on the "jumbotron" at a Dallas Stars game
- I went white water rafting in West Virginia and made it through two rapids that were a level 5
- I have always been pretty good at intuitively knowing "when to bet and when to fold," as they say
- I can write an awesome essay or research paper, and definitely know the difference between when to use "good" and when to use "well"
- I have had training for disaster relief and am Red Cross certified for it
- My dog and I saved the life of a 4-week-old kitten this year and she has been a fantastic addition to our little family
Still on the to-do list:
- There are still several states I haven't been to yet, and I would like to spend some time visiting Seattle, Portland, Boston, San Francisco, and Denver.
- For many years I have wanted to visit Australia. I also want to see Portofino Italy, the South of France, and Tokyo
- I want to go hang gliding and bungee jumping
- I would like to buy a house in the next couple of years
- There are still a lot of records I need to find for my collection, and if you see Moon River on vinyl, let me know...I also want to get my records converted to MP3 files
- There are several computer programs I want to learn, including 3D Studio Max, Dreamweaver, Flash, and Final Cut
- I want to knit something of substance, like a sweater. Or a dining table.
- I'd like to restore a scooter or a vw bug at some point
- I want to check out Burning Man at least once
- I want to go to Marfa, TX to see the Marfa lights
- I hear Cedar Point is an awesome amusement park with some crazy roller coasters
- I want to hike part, if not all, of the Appalachian Trail
- There are several more National Parks I want to visit, including Yellowstone, Yosemite, and the Grand Canyon
that's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure the list will continue to grow...
Saturday, November 24, 2007
feast of wire
currently reading: Emma by Jane Austin. And I am only slightly ashamed to say I was inspired to read it after seeing Becoming Jane. Oh shut your trap. I am allowed to indulge in a chick flick now and then, especially a period chick flick (historic period, people) where I can indulge my deep-rooted love for all things involving corsets, velvet, layers of silk, pantaloons, gloves, hats, muffs, ballroom dance, fans, leg-o-mutton sleeves, more corsets, empire waists, pale skin, and any other combination of the aforementioned items.
currently listening to: mostly my limited vinyl collection, focusing on Buddy Holly, Patsy Cline, some Ricky Nelson, and a sprinkle of Simon&Garfunkel thrown in for good measure. But I think it is truly impossible to grow tired of Patsy Cline...she is my guilty pleasure at the moment. Other than that I am slightly obsessed with some older Death Cab cds, but that has already been covered today.
on my mind: perhaps I shouldn't have eaten so many milk duds on a day when I chose to have homemade chocolate chunk cookies (ok, they were break-n-bake, but the people at work didn't need to know that) for breakfast along with two cups of fair trade coffee sweetened with gingerbread coffee syrup. too...much...refined...sugar...
currently listening to: mostly my limited vinyl collection, focusing on Buddy Holly, Patsy Cline, some Ricky Nelson, and a sprinkle of Simon&Garfunkel thrown in for good measure. But I think it is truly impossible to grow tired of Patsy Cline...she is my guilty pleasure at the moment. Other than that I am slightly obsessed with some older Death Cab cds, but that has already been covered today.
on my mind: perhaps I shouldn't have eaten so many milk duds on a day when I chose to have homemade chocolate chunk cookies (ok, they were break-n-bake, but the people at work didn't need to know that) for breakfast along with two cups of fair trade coffee sweetened with gingerbread coffee syrup. too...much...refined...sugar...
you can't swim in a town this shallow
After seeing for myself what was already in our "J" drive at work, the music drive that "doesn't exist," (Hootie and the Blowfish, Hoobastank, Incubus, Lifehouse, Audioslave, and Tool, for example), I felt it quite necessary to bring one of my CD binders to work with me to dump some more music in it. So of course, this offered a nice chance to get reacquainted with music I hadn't listened to in some time. One of these cds was The Photo Album by Death Cab for Cutie, which I bought in 2001 or so. I always liked the fifth track, Why You'd Want to Live Here, but suddenly it had, as they say, a whole new meaning.
When I was living in Los Angeles, I have never missed or appreciated Dallas/Fort Worth so much. And I found it interesting that the same basic conversation repeated itself over and over with various people while I was there:
me: So do you like living in LA/Silverlake/Studio City/Burbank/Culver City/Pasadena/Hollywood/West Hollywood?
to which the person would reply with any various combination of the following:
- Well, the traffic is a nightmare/the pollution is awful/my car just got towed/I'm constantly getting parking tickets/my rent is astronomical/the people here are always name dropping and fake/everyone is "in the business"/I'm barely scraping by/I miss my family/my job is crap...
but would always end with:
...but the ocean is close by and the weather is great..."
me: so when was the last time you went to the beach?
them:oh, months ago, it takes like, and hour to get out there with traffic. And it's so cold you can't really get in the water anyway. But I am going to San Diego/Las Vegas/San Francisco/Lake Tahoe/Palm Springs next week ; I just can't wait to get out of the city.
So when I came upon this song that I hadn't heard in years, I listened to it about 5 times in a row. They hit the nail on the head, really. I was always so stressed in LA about something...if I was driving I was worried about where I was going to park my car or how many left turns I was going to have to make without a left turn arrow (all of them usually) or if I was going to get lost... and then when my car finally was parked I was worried about getting a ticket or getting towed, and if friends were coming over I was worried about where they were going to park, I was worried about making money and paying bills, I was constantly scared my car would break down in the midst of rush hour, I was worried I'd get sick because I didn't have insurance, and on and on.
And yes, some of these are things I would worry about in any city. But in LA it was all somehow heightened to a frenzy. I was so tense and worried and stressed that I turned into another person. And the few times I left LA and went to, say, San Diego or Joshua Tree, I could feel my shoulders relax and my stomach stop churning as I left the city and saw the skyline in my rear view mirror. And I have to say that I spent three months in NYC when I was twenty and have been back many times to visit, and I never ever felt this way when I was there. I would move there in a heartbeat if the right situation presented itself. But I will never ever move back to Los Angeles. And I rarely use the word never.
Now, I don't want to leave this entry on a completely negative note. Yeah, there were moments in LA, driving down Sunset Blvd with the sun shining and my windows down, with rows of palm trees standing tall like wiry soldiers, when I thought "yeah, this is nice." And winding my way through Laurel Canyon to soak up a day of chilling by the pool in a beautiful house in the hills I could never afford with some cool, nice people I had met...that was fun. But these were the exceptions. And yeah, I think if perhaps I had been there under different circumstances, and if I hadn't been forced to play a losing game of dodge ball with the stresses that life hurled unrelentingly at me during that time, maybe I would have a more positive impression of Los Angeles. But, it was what it was, for me, at that time. And thank God Dallas welcomed me back with open arms. I may not be in Texas forever...there are other cities I want to explore and states I want to visit...but I will call it home for now.
(Unfortunately, I have no idea how to post a song on my blog. I really wish I did.)
So in lieu of the actual song, here are the lyrics:
jet fuel stenches in the cabin and lights flickering at random.
I'm in Los Angeles today: garbage cans comprise the medians
of freeways always creeping,
even when the population's sleeping.
And I can't see why you'd want to live here.
I'm in Los Angles today: asked a gas station employee
if he ever had trouble breathing
he said It varies from season to season, kid.
It's where our best are on display:
motion picture actor's houses maps are never ever current,
so save your film and fifteen dollars.
And I can't see why you'd want to live here.
Billboards reach past the tallest buildings
We are not perfect, but we sure try
As UV rays degrade our youth with time.
The vessel keeps pumping us through this entropic place
In the belly of the beast that is Californ-i-a
I drank from a faucet and I kept my receipt
for when they weigh me on the way out (here nothing is free)
The Greyhounds keep coming dumping locusts into the streets
until the gutters overflow,
and Los Angeles thinks
I might explode
someday soon.
It's a lovely summer's day and I can almost see the skyline
through a thickening shroud of egos
(is this the city of angels or demons?)
Here the names are what remain:
stars encapsulate the gold lane
and they need constant cleaning for when the tourists begin salivating,
you can't swim in a town this shallow
You will most assuredly drown tomorrow.
When I was living in Los Angeles, I have never missed or appreciated Dallas/Fort Worth so much. And I found it interesting that the same basic conversation repeated itself over and over with various people while I was there:
me: So do you like living in LA/Silverlake/Studio City/Burbank/Culver City/Pasadena/Hollywood/West Hollywood?
to which the person would reply with any various combination of the following:
- Well, the traffic is a nightmare/the pollution is awful/my car just got towed/I'm constantly getting parking tickets/my rent is astronomical/the people here are always name dropping and fake/everyone is "in the business"/I'm barely scraping by/I miss my family/my job is crap...
but would always end with:
...but the ocean is close by and the weather is great..."
me: so when was the last time you went to the beach?
them:oh, months ago, it takes like, and hour to get out there with traffic. And it's so cold you can't really get in the water anyway. But I am going to San Diego/Las Vegas/San Francisco/Lake Tahoe/Palm Springs next week ; I just can't wait to get out of the city.
So when I came upon this song that I hadn't heard in years, I listened to it about 5 times in a row. They hit the nail on the head, really. I was always so stressed in LA about something...if I was driving I was worried about where I was going to park my car or how many left turns I was going to have to make without a left turn arrow (all of them usually) or if I was going to get lost... and then when my car finally was parked I was worried about getting a ticket or getting towed, and if friends were coming over I was worried about where they were going to park, I was worried about making money and paying bills, I was constantly scared my car would break down in the midst of rush hour, I was worried I'd get sick because I didn't have insurance, and on and on.
And yes, some of these are things I would worry about in any city. But in LA it was all somehow heightened to a frenzy. I was so tense and worried and stressed that I turned into another person. And the few times I left LA and went to, say, San Diego or Joshua Tree, I could feel my shoulders relax and my stomach stop churning as I left the city and saw the skyline in my rear view mirror. And I have to say that I spent three months in NYC when I was twenty and have been back many times to visit, and I never ever felt this way when I was there. I would move there in a heartbeat if the right situation presented itself. But I will never ever move back to Los Angeles. And I rarely use the word never.
Now, I don't want to leave this entry on a completely negative note. Yeah, there were moments in LA, driving down Sunset Blvd with the sun shining and my windows down, with rows of palm trees standing tall like wiry soldiers, when I thought "yeah, this is nice." And winding my way through Laurel Canyon to soak up a day of chilling by the pool in a beautiful house in the hills I could never afford with some cool, nice people I had met...that was fun. But these were the exceptions. And yeah, I think if perhaps I had been there under different circumstances, and if I hadn't been forced to play a losing game of dodge ball with the stresses that life hurled unrelentingly at me during that time, maybe I would have a more positive impression of Los Angeles. But, it was what it was, for me, at that time. And thank God Dallas welcomed me back with open arms. I may not be in Texas forever...there are other cities I want to explore and states I want to visit...but I will call it home for now.
(Unfortunately, I have no idea how to post a song on my blog. I really wish I did.)
So in lieu of the actual song, here are the lyrics:
Why You'd Want To Live Here
I'm in Los Angeles today: it smells like an airport runway,jet fuel stenches in the cabin and lights flickering at random.
I'm in Los Angeles today: garbage cans comprise the medians
of freeways always creeping,
even when the population's sleeping.
And I can't see why you'd want to live here.
I'm in Los Angles today: asked a gas station employee
if he ever had trouble breathing
he said It varies from season to season, kid.
It's where our best are on display:
motion picture actor's houses maps are never ever current,
so save your film and fifteen dollars.
And I can't see why you'd want to live here.
Billboards reach past the tallest buildings
We are not perfect, but we sure try
As UV rays degrade our youth with time.
The vessel keeps pumping us through this entropic place
In the belly of the beast that is Californ-i-a
I drank from a faucet and I kept my receipt
for when they weigh me on the way out (here nothing is free)
The Greyhounds keep coming dumping locusts into the streets
until the gutters overflow,
and Los Angeles thinks
I might explode
someday soon.
It's a lovely summer's day and I can almost see the skyline
through a thickening shroud of egos
(is this the city of angels or demons?)
Here the names are what remain:
stars encapsulate the gold lane
and they need constant cleaning for when the tourists begin salivating,
you can't swim in a town this shallow
You will most assuredly drown tomorrow.
Friday, November 9, 2007
in an attempt to continue ignoring the bright pink elephant in the room...
...I am posting funny pics of Maggie and Ghetto Kitty. Why? Because they are hilarious. And because it's my blog. The first pic is my favorite, because it looks like I said "ok you guys, now give me a silly one!"
For those of you who don't know, I adopted Maggie the greyhound in June, and in September while we were on a walk, she found a tiny, emaciated, 4-week-old kitten in a parking lot behind Minc, who has grown into the rambunctious ball of fur you see in these images. She is teething on everything, including Maggie (as you can see in the third picture), but Maggie has, amazingly, never snapped at her or growled at her for this. (She has on occasion growled at her if she gets too close to her food, treats, or Kong, at which point I remind Ghetto that Maggie does not eat her food.) Maggie does occasionally give me that look (see pic two), at which time I remind her that she is the one who found Ghetto Kitty. And since Ghetto was never properly weaned from her mother, I have actually caught her trying to nurse on Maggie. Seriously. And still no reaction from Maggie, even with Ghetto's sharp little teeth (see pic 3).





For those of you who don't know, I adopted Maggie the greyhound in June, and in September while we were on a walk, she found a tiny, emaciated, 4-week-old kitten in a parking lot behind Minc, who has grown into the rambunctious ball of fur you see in these images. She is teething on everything, including Maggie (as you can see in the third picture), but Maggie has, amazingly, never snapped at her or growled at her for this. (She has on occasion growled at her if she gets too close to her food, treats, or Kong, at which point I remind Ghetto that Maggie does not eat her food.) Maggie does occasionally give me that look (see pic two), at which time I remind her that she is the one who found Ghetto Kitty. And since Ghetto was never properly weaned from her mother, I have actually caught her trying to nurse on Maggie. Seriously. And still no reaction from Maggie, even with Ghetto's sharp little teeth (see pic 3).





Thursday, November 8, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Week 5
Two days ago I had my fifth weekly pelvic floor therapy appointment "Amy" at my doctor's office. The biofeedback showed no improvement in my spasms/minute. I met with the doctor afterward (I meet with her every fifth or sixth appointment to touch base on treatment). She could tell I was disappointed with seeing no improvement, especially since I am now doing the electronic stimulation/biofeedback at her office once a week and physical therapy three times a week. She reminded me that it took my body years and years to get to this point, and it will take a while for it to "unwind." I also expressed frustration on the limited amount of information available on Levator Ani Spasms online and told her that my friend Laura went to the NYU medical library to see what she could learn and only found one article about it. She reminded me that this problem also goes by several other names and that I might find more info under "pelvic floor tension myalgia." She then copied a recent article she had about the subject titled Physical Therapy for Pelvic Pain: Understanding the Musculoskeletal Connection. The article reiterated that ballet and gymnastics contribute to this (I took ballet from the ages of 3-13 and gymnastics for a few years in there too, along with tap, ballroom, jazz...), as well as prolonged sitting (ummm...I'm a graphic designer), and general stress, anxiety, and tension (well, just look at the past year I've had). And as a note, my physical therapist (we'll call her "T") said that for her patients who have the opposite problem as me, patients with a relaxed and loose pelvic floor caused by things such as natural aging and childbirth, she actually teaches balletic exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, such as pliés. Because my pelvic floor has been trained all of these years to contract through dance and everything I've already discussed, I have the opposite problem of these women.
At physical therapy today I asked T if having a large waist-to-hips ratio has impacted this in any way. The "average" woman has a 10 inch difference between her waist and hips, but mine is more than ten. I sleep on my side, but my hips hurt in the morning and it has been this way as far back as I can remember. T said yes. Because this causes a deeper curve at my waist and my spine cannot be straight while sleeping, and because I tend to sleep on my left side, this unevenness has contributed to my hip rotation.
So the four-copays-a-week continue for 6 more weeks and I remain optimistic and very very grateful for such amazing doctors, my physical therapist, and a relatively quick diagnosis.
At physical therapy today I asked T if having a large waist-to-hips ratio has impacted this in any way. The "average" woman has a 10 inch difference between her waist and hips, but mine is more than ten. I sleep on my side, but my hips hurt in the morning and it has been this way as far back as I can remember. T said yes. Because this causes a deeper curve at my waist and my spine cannot be straight while sleeping, and because I tend to sleep on my left side, this unevenness has contributed to my hip rotation.
So the four-copays-a-week continue for 6 more weeks and I remain optimistic and very very grateful for such amazing doctors, my physical therapist, and a relatively quick diagnosis.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Bed Bath Busted
Remember when you were a kid and you would look through HighLights magazine at the dentist or doctor's office? Remember the front page with the illustration and you searched for the hidden objects? It's like that, except it's a mass marketing e-mail coupon, and instead of looking for objects you are looking for two large, staring-you-right-in-the-face typos.
Spell check, people!!
Spell check, people!!
Labels:
bed bath store,
email,
grammar,
online,
spell check,
spelling,
typo
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Levator-Hater (a long one)
Some of you know this and some of you don't, but as of today I have officially been dealing with intense, chronic pelvic pain for exactly one year. It's a hell of an anniversary. Sometimes my life is halted by the pain - it literally stops me in my tracks - and sometimes it is mild, but it is always there. It's a pain that is hard to describe...a nagging, aching, gnawing pain that 80% of the time is dull, yet strong, and 20% of the time is extremely sharp. It is exacerbated by sitting, driving, laying down (the list goes on), and started on my right side but quickly spread to my left side.
Two months after it began I was able to see my doctor about it, and she thought perhaps it was endometriosis, so she put me on a new BC pill but nothing changed. I started doing a lot of research on endometriosis and drastically changed my diet and lifestyle. However, the pain always returned. We changed the pill again and still nothing, so after I moved back to Dallas and after my insurance kicked in, I saw her again and she referred me to a specialist who was so booked that they couldn't fit me in for another month. I was excited to see a great specialist, but was also terrified that she would find nothing unusual and tell me she had no idea what it was. You see, I had been dealing with the pain for so long that occasionally it seemed like it was "in my head." At times the pain was so penetrating that it sort of radiated to my lower back and my upper inner thigh. But I learned to cope with the lower levels of pain to the point where it felt normal...like my tolerance of pain increased and I wasn't as aware of it as I was when it began, and it had to be at higher registers to grab my attention. Eventually I felt it invading my life and almost changing me into a different person. I was fatigued from this pain that just wore me down, and I was constantly fighting off irritability and exhaustion. The happy, fun-loving, optimistic person I used to be was fading and I became moody, impatient, pessimistic, and it was all starting to seem hopeless. My life became consumed by pain. There was never an escape because even sleep hadn't been restful in months because the pain never stopped, not even at night. And I was constantly trying to put up a happy front to everyone around me (which was exhausting and frustrating in itself). At work I would go to the bathroom and cry on the bad days, just wishing I could call in sick every time I felt pain this intense but knew that I couldn't because then I would never be at work. So I felt I would just go mad if this doctor didn't know what it was...that was my biggest fear.
September 24th at 7:00am, I left my building and biked to Baylor for my 7:30 appointment. I didn't have time to be nervous because, well, I was half asleep, and also because I was the first appointment of the day so there was no patient backup yet. The doctor took my blood pressure (which surprisingly enough was 90/65), weight, height, etc., and then I went into her office and started telling her everything from the beginning. At times I got really choked up and my voice was quite shaky but thank goodness I held it together and didn't actually shed any tears. (My family doctor has seen me cry at least twice about this and I always feel stupid and silly but I suppose it's normal for emotions to run high when talking about chronic pain that has effected your life in as many ways as it has mine.) After the consultation she did the exam, and without hesitation, told me the news I had waited 10 months to hear...I do not have endometriosis. I have Levator Ani Spasms (also called Levator Spasms or Levator Syndrome), which is a type of Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, or PFD. There is no known cause, but it can be triggered by stress, sex, injury, sitting for long periods of time, even something as simple as a routine pelvic exam. Basically, the levator ani muscle in the pelvic floor spasms out of control, causing pain. In a "normal" person, this muscle would spasm 0-5 times/minute; anything higher than 5 can cause pain. Someone with Levator Syndrome can have it spasm 10-20 times/minute. There is no "cure," but there are several treatment options, but unfortunately no controlled clinical trials have been done on the success rates of these treatments. They include electronic stimulation (coupled with biofeedback), sitz baths, massage, muscle relaxants, physical therapy, and sometimes Botox injections. It seems the most important thing is to try and figure out what exacerbates it and triggers it and to deal with the root of the problem, and not try to cover it up temporarily, such as with Botox or constant muscle relaxers. My doctor told me to start coming in once a week for 6 weeks for electrical stimulation/biofeedback, and prescribed Flexeril for my pain (which I take at night to help me sleep but it's so strong that I rarely take it during the day; even 1/2 dose makes me pass out at work).
Two weeks later I arrived for my first appointment. It involves probes (yes, that's plural, and yes, they go where you think they go), which send info back to a computer that the patient cannot see (it is important that the patient learn to feel and control the pain and not know by watching the screen when the pain is the worst). First the resting levels are checked - an average of spasms/minute before the treatment starts. The first week it was 16/minute. I asked if this was high in patients she sees with this disorder, and she looked at me and very seriously said "it's high." Next is a series of muscle contractions similar to Kegals, and then it ends with the actual electronic stimulation, which is an electrical current sent to the muscles in very rapid succession causing them to contract over and over with the purpose of wearing out the muscle so it relaxes. Then she printed out a sheet for me to take home with directions on watching what I eat to see if there was any correlation between diet and pain, and told me to do a certain amount of muscle contraction exercises/day. That week I felt a little better, and I went in to my appointment to find out that my beginning level was 11 spasms/minute - good news! Unfortunately, the week after that I had quite a bit of severe pain on Saturday and Sunday. I knew I was not stressed those days, and I followed the directions for trying to relax the muscles, but it didn't work. The Monday after all the pain my average resting rate was 18/minute. Bad. So, after talking more to my nurse who does the treatments (we'll call her Amy) about how for years my hips have hurt after I wake up in the morning, she said she would talk to the doctor about my trying physical therapy to see if something physiological about my body was also contributing to the pain. (My doctor works closely with two physical therapists in Dallas who specialize in pelvic pain.) So I made an appointment for this past Monday the 29th with the physical therapist in Carrollton for 2:30pm, after my morning doctor apt. That week the pain was also fairly bad, and that Monday (the 29th) my resting rate was 21/minute (ouch!). Amy said to see what the physical therapist said that afternoon. She was really nice with a thick Russian accent and again, I started from the beginning and told her the whole story. Then she explained more about Levator Syndrome and how she treats it, and then had me lay down on the table and she measured my flexibility, strength, and looked at the symmetry of my hips and legs. She basically told me that I am extremely flexible, but that my inner thighs are quite weak, and that my left hip bone was 1" higher than my right. She reiterated that this is not a bone problem but a musculature problem. My right leg is much stronger and more flexible than my left, and this unevenness is causing my hip bone to rotate down and forward on the right side. Then she did some manual massage, and put me on their electronic stimulation machine in combination with moist heat (yes, I used the word moist, one of my least favorite words ever). She scheduled me for 3X/week for at least the next two weeks. After my session yesterday and today, for about 2 or 3 hours after treatment I felt *almost* normal! The pain returned but she assures me that someone my age should be able to concur this, and that it won't be a quick fix. 4 copays a week are really hurting, but not as much as the pain, so thank goodness for insurance. I have learned exercises and other things I can do at home and at work to try and mimic some of the things I do in PT. This upcoming Monday is my 5th electrical stim/biofeedback apt with Amy, followed by a consult with the doctor, so I will find out if my resting rates are lower. Updates to follow....
It took me a while to gather as much info on it as I have, because even in the age of the internet, there is very little information online about this. I have just kept asking questions until I finally have my brain wrapped around it. Some pages quote that this affects 6% of the population, but my physical therapist says that is misleading because many many people are either misdiagnosed or never seek help. I couldn't understand how a muscle could spasm and I didn't actually feel the individual spasms, just the pain they caused. She compared it to the heart and lung muscles, and how they contract and expand all day and you aren't really aware of it. I also didn't see how spasms could cause this degree of pain, and she said to think of it like ab crunches. If you did 15 crunches/minute all day long that muscle would really burn and hurt, and that's what I am feeling but it has been continuous for a year. The pelvic floor muscles are kind of woven like a basket, and are suspended like a hammock. The "ends" of the hammock are attached to the lower abs, pelvis, and other places. Since my pelvis is rotated, it is pulling and stretching some of these muscles taut, which makes the spasms worse.
When she told me that I was very flexible, I asked if this is a bad thing, because I always thought it was good to be flexible. She said flexibility is good, but is bad when combined with weak support muscles. This causes the hip bone to wiggle around more on the hip socket, wearing out the cartilage faster, and that if I don't correct this in the next 5 years, I may end up like my mother who is getting a hip replaced this December and is only in her mid 50's (weight training in PT and the gym is helping me with this; specifically working on my hip socket).
I found out that taking ballet for 10 years basically "trained" these muscles to contract more than they should. In ballet, your core and lower abs are always pulled up and in, while your rear is contracted and pulled down. This constant posture pulls the pelvic floor up (since the pelvic floor muscles are attached to the lower abs) and trains it to be tight. PT is helping me to loosen the pelvic floor so it will relax back into place.
If you have a tendency to be able to hold your bladder for a long time, don't. I always thought I was rather gifted to be able to go sooooo long without going, and that it came in quite handy at work since we are so slammed that I sometimes don't have time to go for 4 hours at a time. When you have an urge to go and contract those muscles until the urge goes away, your body still needs to go, and you train those muscles to constantly contract and be tight which is baaaaad. I have orders so go every 2 hours whether I feel like I need to or not.
Many of us sit for long periods of time at work. Try and get up and walk around every 2 hours or so. Or do some squats at your desk to stretch out those muscles.
I was given a list of foods to help me to regulate my body...acidic foods, alkaline foods, foods with fiber, etc. Learned that caffeine will actually help relax my pelvic floor (coffee, tea, yay!), but everything in moderation, of course.
So, I am finally on my way back to normalcy. The pain has not gotten better yet, but just that hour or two after PT when the pain is lowest is like a little miracle; a glimpse into a pain-free life. I feel lucky and blessed to have wonderful doctors who correctly diagnosed this within a year of the onset of pain, as I have read about people who went 5, 10, 15 years living with this pain and were misdiagnosed or not properly treated. I find myself fascinated by what I've learned and am still learning, and am reminded of the mind/body connection and how everything we do and every muscle in our bodies is connected to other muscles and effects many things we never think about until we feel pain from something that tells us to stop. r e l a x. listen. Pay very close attention to your body and what it is telling you about your life, lifestyle, career, relationships, and diet.
Two months after it began I was able to see my doctor about it, and she thought perhaps it was endometriosis, so she put me on a new BC pill but nothing changed. I started doing a lot of research on endometriosis and drastically changed my diet and lifestyle. However, the pain always returned. We changed the pill again and still nothing, so after I moved back to Dallas and after my insurance kicked in, I saw her again and she referred me to a specialist who was so booked that they couldn't fit me in for another month. I was excited to see a great specialist, but was also terrified that she would find nothing unusual and tell me she had no idea what it was. You see, I had been dealing with the pain for so long that occasionally it seemed like it was "in my head." At times the pain was so penetrating that it sort of radiated to my lower back and my upper inner thigh. But I learned to cope with the lower levels of pain to the point where it felt normal...like my tolerance of pain increased and I wasn't as aware of it as I was when it began, and it had to be at higher registers to grab my attention. Eventually I felt it invading my life and almost changing me into a different person. I was fatigued from this pain that just wore me down, and I was constantly fighting off irritability and exhaustion. The happy, fun-loving, optimistic person I used to be was fading and I became moody, impatient, pessimistic, and it was all starting to seem hopeless. My life became consumed by pain. There was never an escape because even sleep hadn't been restful in months because the pain never stopped, not even at night. And I was constantly trying to put up a happy front to everyone around me (which was exhausting and frustrating in itself). At work I would go to the bathroom and cry on the bad days, just wishing I could call in sick every time I felt pain this intense but knew that I couldn't because then I would never be at work. So I felt I would just go mad if this doctor didn't know what it was...that was my biggest fear.
September 24th at 7:00am, I left my building and biked to Baylor for my 7:30 appointment. I didn't have time to be nervous because, well, I was half asleep, and also because I was the first appointment of the day so there was no patient backup yet. The doctor took my blood pressure (which surprisingly enough was 90/65), weight, height, etc., and then I went into her office and started telling her everything from the beginning. At times I got really choked up and my voice was quite shaky but thank goodness I held it together and didn't actually shed any tears. (My family doctor has seen me cry at least twice about this and I always feel stupid and silly but I suppose it's normal for emotions to run high when talking about chronic pain that has effected your life in as many ways as it has mine.) After the consultation she did the exam, and without hesitation, told me the news I had waited 10 months to hear...I do not have endometriosis. I have Levator Ani Spasms (also called Levator Spasms or Levator Syndrome), which is a type of Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, or PFD. There is no known cause, but it can be triggered by stress, sex, injury, sitting for long periods of time, even something as simple as a routine pelvic exam. Basically, the levator ani muscle in the pelvic floor spasms out of control, causing pain. In a "normal" person, this muscle would spasm 0-5 times/minute; anything higher than 5 can cause pain. Someone with Levator Syndrome can have it spasm 10-20 times/minute. There is no "cure," but there are several treatment options, but unfortunately no controlled clinical trials have been done on the success rates of these treatments. They include electronic stimulation (coupled with biofeedback), sitz baths, massage, muscle relaxants, physical therapy, and sometimes Botox injections. It seems the most important thing is to try and figure out what exacerbates it and triggers it and to deal with the root of the problem, and not try to cover it up temporarily, such as with Botox or constant muscle relaxers. My doctor told me to start coming in once a week for 6 weeks for electrical stimulation/biofeedback, and prescribed Flexeril for my pain (which I take at night to help me sleep but it's so strong that I rarely take it during the day; even 1/2 dose makes me pass out at work).
Two weeks later I arrived for my first appointment. It involves probes (yes, that's plural, and yes, they go where you think they go), which send info back to a computer that the patient cannot see (it is important that the patient learn to feel and control the pain and not know by watching the screen when the pain is the worst). First the resting levels are checked - an average of spasms/minute before the treatment starts. The first week it was 16/minute. I asked if this was high in patients she sees with this disorder, and she looked at me and very seriously said "it's high." Next is a series of muscle contractions similar to Kegals, and then it ends with the actual electronic stimulation, which is an electrical current sent to the muscles in very rapid succession causing them to contract over and over with the purpose of wearing out the muscle so it relaxes. Then she printed out a sheet for me to take home with directions on watching what I eat to see if there was any correlation between diet and pain, and told me to do a certain amount of muscle contraction exercises/day. That week I felt a little better, and I went in to my appointment to find out that my beginning level was 11 spasms/minute - good news! Unfortunately, the week after that I had quite a bit of severe pain on Saturday and Sunday. I knew I was not stressed those days, and I followed the directions for trying to relax the muscles, but it didn't work. The Monday after all the pain my average resting rate was 18/minute. Bad. So, after talking more to my nurse who does the treatments (we'll call her Amy) about how for years my hips have hurt after I wake up in the morning, she said she would talk to the doctor about my trying physical therapy to see if something physiological about my body was also contributing to the pain. (My doctor works closely with two physical therapists in Dallas who specialize in pelvic pain.) So I made an appointment for this past Monday the 29th with the physical therapist in Carrollton for 2:30pm, after my morning doctor apt. That week the pain was also fairly bad, and that Monday (the 29th) my resting rate was 21/minute (ouch!). Amy said to see what the physical therapist said that afternoon. She was really nice with a thick Russian accent and again, I started from the beginning and told her the whole story. Then she explained more about Levator Syndrome and how she treats it, and then had me lay down on the table and she measured my flexibility, strength, and looked at the symmetry of my hips and legs. She basically told me that I am extremely flexible, but that my inner thighs are quite weak, and that my left hip bone was 1" higher than my right. She reiterated that this is not a bone problem but a musculature problem. My right leg is much stronger and more flexible than my left, and this unevenness is causing my hip bone to rotate down and forward on the right side. Then she did some manual massage, and put me on their electronic stimulation machine in combination with moist heat (yes, I used the word moist, one of my least favorite words ever). She scheduled me for 3X/week for at least the next two weeks. After my session yesterday and today, for about 2 or 3 hours after treatment I felt *almost* normal! The pain returned but she assures me that someone my age should be able to concur this, and that it won't be a quick fix. 4 copays a week are really hurting, but not as much as the pain, so thank goodness for insurance. I have learned exercises and other things I can do at home and at work to try and mimic some of the things I do in PT. This upcoming Monday is my 5th electrical stim/biofeedback apt with Amy, followed by a consult with the doctor, so I will find out if my resting rates are lower. Updates to follow....
It took me a while to gather as much info on it as I have, because even in the age of the internet, there is very little information online about this. I have just kept asking questions until I finally have my brain wrapped around it. Some pages quote that this affects 6% of the population, but my physical therapist says that is misleading because many many people are either misdiagnosed or never seek help. I couldn't understand how a muscle could spasm and I didn't actually feel the individual spasms, just the pain they caused. She compared it to the heart and lung muscles, and how they contract and expand all day and you aren't really aware of it. I also didn't see how spasms could cause this degree of pain, and she said to think of it like ab crunches. If you did 15 crunches/minute all day long that muscle would really burn and hurt, and that's what I am feeling but it has been continuous for a year. The pelvic floor muscles are kind of woven like a basket, and are suspended like a hammock. The "ends" of the hammock are attached to the lower abs, pelvis, and other places. Since my pelvis is rotated, it is pulling and stretching some of these muscles taut, which makes the spasms worse.
When she told me that I was very flexible, I asked if this is a bad thing, because I always thought it was good to be flexible. She said flexibility is good, but is bad when combined with weak support muscles. This causes the hip bone to wiggle around more on the hip socket, wearing out the cartilage faster, and that if I don't correct this in the next 5 years, I may end up like my mother who is getting a hip replaced this December and is only in her mid 50's (weight training in PT and the gym is helping me with this; specifically working on my hip socket).
I found out that taking ballet for 10 years basically "trained" these muscles to contract more than they should. In ballet, your core and lower abs are always pulled up and in, while your rear is contracted and pulled down. This constant posture pulls the pelvic floor up (since the pelvic floor muscles are attached to the lower abs) and trains it to be tight. PT is helping me to loosen the pelvic floor so it will relax back into place.
If you have a tendency to be able to hold your bladder for a long time, don't. I always thought I was rather gifted to be able to go sooooo long without going, and that it came in quite handy at work since we are so slammed that I sometimes don't have time to go for 4 hours at a time. When you have an urge to go and contract those muscles until the urge goes away, your body still needs to go, and you train those muscles to constantly contract and be tight which is baaaaad. I have orders so go every 2 hours whether I feel like I need to or not.
Many of us sit for long periods of time at work. Try and get up and walk around every 2 hours or so. Or do some squats at your desk to stretch out those muscles.
I was given a list of foods to help me to regulate my body...acidic foods, alkaline foods, foods with fiber, etc. Learned that caffeine will actually help relax my pelvic floor (coffee, tea, yay!), but everything in moderation, of course.
So, I am finally on my way back to normalcy. The pain has not gotten better yet, but just that hour or two after PT when the pain is lowest is like a little miracle; a glimpse into a pain-free life. I feel lucky and blessed to have wonderful doctors who correctly diagnosed this within a year of the onset of pain, as I have read about people who went 5, 10, 15 years living with this pain and were misdiagnosed or not properly treated. I find myself fascinated by what I've learned and am still learning, and am reminded of the mind/body connection and how everything we do and every muscle in our bodies is connected to other muscles and effects many things we never think about until we feel pain from something that tells us to stop. r e l a x. listen. Pay very close attention to your body and what it is telling you about your life, lifestyle, career, relationships, and diet.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
she's crafty (this is what I did with my sunday)
Every time the loft gets under 67 degrees, Maggie's ears get cold and she starts shivering a bit. Greyhounds have very little body fat - less than humans - so they need coats for the cooler weather. I found many sites online that do greyhound coats, but just a simple fleece was between $35 and $55, and waterproof coats are around $70. No way was I paying that much for a dog coat. JoAnn Fabrics had fleece on sale for $3.99 a yard that week so I hit the sale, and was able to make this custom coat for $11! It is grey fleece on the outside and black fleece on the inside, and is fully reversible with a drawstring around the top of the neck to keep it around her ears. I had some trouble sewing the neck to the body and then turning it right side out through the chest and then sewing the chest so that all of the seams still faced the inside, but sheer determination and stubbornness got me through it.
But it was all worth it when I took her to Stoneworks (rock climbing gym) with me to meet everyone in the climbing group on Monday. It kept her warm, and someone said it wort of looked like a grim reaper Halloween costume, so I guess she can be the "grim greyhound" this year.
p.s. this is not ALL I did with my Sunday; I also worked out for 2 hours in the morning. The gym was pretty empty...I guess everyone was hung over from Halloween parties, but not me, no siree.



But it was all worth it when I took her to Stoneworks (rock climbing gym) with me to meet everyone in the climbing group on Monday. It kept her warm, and someone said it wort of looked like a grim reaper Halloween costume, so I guess she can be the "grim greyhound" this year.
p.s. this is not ALL I did with my Sunday; I also worked out for 2 hours in the morning. The gym was pretty empty...I guess everyone was hung over from Halloween parties, but not me, no siree.



Wednesday, October 10, 2007
pet peeve
Heard on Deal or No Deal:
"She loves to take pitchers; she's a pitcher fanatic!"
PITCHERS are used for liquids; cameras take PICTURES!
"She loves to take pitchers; she's a pitcher fanatic!"
PITCHERS are used for liquids; cameras take PICTURES!
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